Today I received a miracle. Really. Or as my friends and I joke, for real life, #forreallife!
Never do we as humans cry out for God more than in our despair, in our need, in our desperation. I am guilty of this. I know I should talk to Him more than I do, defer to His wisdom, wait on His timing and trust His plan. But we are selfish. I am selfish. I have ambitions and dreams that take me away from the path and plans I’m sure God has for me …
I will start trying to make more of a habit of it and promise myself and Him that I’ll seek Him out more in prayer … I pray. I try to pray more. But I get ‘busy’, distracted, my resolve dissipates and my heart wanes. I get caught up in deadlines, feeding kids, worrying … Not an excuse. I am sorry for this Lord, I know I need to do better.
Then bad things happen and I will turn once again to Him in frustration or desperation. Make my apologies. Say my thanks. And expect miracles. In my time … right now. And will be upset when He doesn’t listen to me. Like a child.
Today a bad thing happened. A very, very bad thing happened. And I thought I might just completely collapse in a puddle and die. It felt like it was the end of my world. That I’d cocked up SO badly there would be no recovering from it. I had been so preoccupied with meeting deadlines that I began to neglect my admin … basic stuff … you know … LIKE BACKING UP! Duh. Only one of the most ESSENTIAL things I need to do in my business! I kept putting it off for tomorrow. Thinking I HAD tomorrow to ‘get around to it.’ Then today one of my external hard drives failed, and there went with it thousands and thousands and thousands of hours worth of work. Some memories and images I would NEVER recover. Not without a time machine anyway. I also felt like I deserved it and was somehow being punished for being so stupid.
So … I cried. I UUUUUUGGLLLYYY cried! Sobbed really. In front of my kids. In front of my friend. In front of my husband. I was a helpless child and there was NOTHING that I could do about it. I called the IT technician on call. And then … I repeated the entire cycle a good couple of times.
Something inside me just couldn’t accept this. Denial. It’s the beginning of the 5 stages of grief isn’t it?! This was NOT how I was going down today. NO WAY. NO HOW. So after a few more cries I called my kids. I explained to them why I was so silly-sad-angry-crying and that I really, really needed their help. I needed them to stand with my while I kneeled and we laid hands on my external drive and pray-cry-prayed together for Jesus to PLEASE, please, PLEEEEEZZZZZEEE help mommy now because ALL my hard work was lost. Gone. Invisible. Then of course I felt guilty for bringing my kids into it, like I was using their innocence or something. Flip. So I cried even more.
The technician got here a mere ten minutes after our prayer, while I was cutting up some fruit for lunch, I tearfully explained what was going on and brought him to my laptop to show him. And Oh My Good Lord. It was working! #forreallife I had just received a miracle. Me. God answered MY prayers and gave me the miracle I needed today. How awesome this is. I am still feeling awed, relieved, undeserving, grateful … And the waves of relief that have been washing over me since this afternoon leaving me quite exhausted! if I spend too much time thinking about it again my eyeballs still start to dissolve a little bit more.
An incredibly teary and in depth discussion of possible solutions, new systems to put in place and equipment to duplicate ALL my back ups ensued, in the hopes I NEVER have to repeat this.
Then I went outside to find my kids playing in the yard. I called them to me. Knelt down with them. We held hands in a circle and we all thanked Jesus for helping mommy.
Thank you Lord for Your miracle today. Thank You for Your timing. Thank you for bringing me to pray and for the opportunity to pray with my kids. Please help me to make it a more regular habit. Thank you for your hand in my creative work. Amen.